Hovering at the Edge of Consciousness

color photo of scars from transsexual top surgery

I have been writing about my grandfather’s murder and male privilege and having male privilege in a female body and also fearing men. Hovering at the edge of my consciousness is something, something I can’t quite grasp. Phrases like “women experience daily living like a war zone” and “I remember the first time I felt a penis used like a weapon” appear in these pages and elsewhere. Yet I inhabit a female body. Male privilege is both mine and not mine. Has a man lost his privilege when he is stalked, attacked and raped by another man? Does he ever lose it in relation to a woman?

Is the ineffability I now experience a fault of my mine as a writer or is it simply that I have reached the edges of how I can conceptualize myself as a man? Will I ever find the words to describe my apprehensions of my time in this world?

4 Comments

  1. Hi Jay, your writing is amazing. Is this confined to Ypsilanti alone or Michigan State? I think it is time you published. You are not in ths alone. You have supporters and friends.
    I hope you remember me from you time in chicago.
    Renee Anthony in tulsa

    1. Hello Renee!
      I do remember you from Chicago. Gosh I had so much hair back then! I thank you and appreciate your support. I have begun the process of finding other publishers for my work. The prospect thrills me, actually, so I have a high degree of motivation. I will update this blog as I have news to share. Take care and thank you again.

      1. I am still in touch with Jo Ann – now called just Jo – FB has been very good to me. I have been living in Tulsa for the past 18 years….it seems that many of our acquaintences have moved away from Chi-Town.
        I have no reason to go back there. Your writing is thought-provoking and I enjoyed what I read so far. Keep up the good work. Are any of the writings available in hardcover or only only?

        I will be following your blog and your site. Renee

        1. Hi Renee,

          First, thank you for spending some time here on my blog. I appreciate your attention and thoughtful words and suppoprt.

          Please feel free to send my contact info to Jo. I’d love to reconnect. The last time I was in Chicago, a city I still love in many ways, it seemed to have become populated with really rich people. I find the vibe exciting but certainly financially unsustainable for me today.

          I wasn’t so good to FB, which is why I needed to part! None of these writings are in hardcover. I’m working on a draft of the memoir, which I hope to have completed by the end of this summer. Self-Organizing Men, an anthology I edited in 2006, has some of my cartoons, as well as the writings on masculinity from very thoughtful individuals.

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