A Female to Male Transsexual Asks What’s My Gender, Again

a cartoon person says whats my gender again by Jay Sennett

What is my gender, again?

I had an epiphany about this question.

I believe I’ve been fighting against my biology. For quite a long time actually.

Despite what I believed and said several years ago – namely that I don’t believe in biology (I know, right?!?) and that I am truly a man – I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have a traditionally male body.

How do I know this?

 

My doctor enjoined me to take more calcium at an annual checkup. Because I have had a full hysterectomy and oophorectomy, I should, according to her, take the same dosage “as a post-menopausal middle-aged woman.”

Those were fighting words a few years back. Now, though, I believe there is some merit in her statement. I have never had a traditionally male body. Ever.

My body is male now. But I can’t conceive of how my current male body is a traditional one.

For the first 30 some years of my life, I had mostly (I assume) traditionally female body. You know menstruation, chocolate cravings, all that. That is gone. The disposition of my body to put fat on my hips is gone. The fat now goes to the stomach, just like a guy.

In truth, though, no longer producing estrogen with a daily testosterone overlay via Androgel is not the same as producing testosterone via gonads.

I know. I’m slow on the uptake. Maybe I fought against biology to suppress my own internalized transphobia. For years  I fought against being a transsexual. Now I’m happy with my gender.

The great experiment continues.

What’s my gender, again?

(I drew this cartoon sometime in 2012.)

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2 Comments

  1. There was a wonderful group in Portland, OR called Cocksure for younger FTMs, One of the great services of the group was providing a free-to-access OBG/YN who was very comfortable working with trans guys. So many younger FTMs simply do not get the checks and services they need, and what you are writing about could be a part of that puzzle. I’m interested in how we can configure the coming out process to possibly compensate for this challenge…

    1. Hi,

      Thanks for commenting. I can certainly appreciate not wanting to get OB/GYN checks. I recall not having any for several years. The whole process felt incredibly shameful for me. Not as a result of any healthcare practitioners, but as a consequence of my own internalized junk. Sometime in the very recent past, I can’t say exactly when, I began to be okay with my genitalia as it is. I think working out vigorously and seeing all the changes my body can make, has made me increasingly more proud of this body I have. Trying to crack the optimal calorie intake nut helped, too.

      I don’t know how to (re)configure the coming out process to compensate for these challenges. I’ve heard other FtMs fly into a rage when another FtM mentioned “my vagina.” Feelings I understand completely. Both sets. I guess as I age I am limited by my biology just like all other human beings.

      What are you thoughts on reconfiguring the coming out process?

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