Hormones Made Me Homophobic

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True Story:

About six months after I had begun living as a man, I stopped by my local Bunn and Noodle. I searched for Kate Bornstein’s Gender Outlaw. Once I found it, I stared at it and didn’t touch it. Nothing too strange about not wanting to be thought of as a trannie in the Clinton nineties.

But then I caught some title – which I have since forgotten – that had to do with gays. I reached over for it, then stopped, my fingers less than an inch from the cover.

“But people will think I am a fag if I pick up this book.”

WTF!

7 Comments

  1. LOL! Nothing like a little internalized homophobia and self-hatred.

    I’m pretty sure it’s normal, Jay. I wouldn’t over worry about it.

    In the MTF world, trannies that “pass” often don’t want to be seen with trannies that “don’t pass”. Even those that “pass” often don’t want to be seen together under the theory that any one might pass, but two or more together certainly won’t.

    It’s all pretty silly, of course. We’ve just bought into the mainstream culture which we have taken such measures to appear to belong to. We haven’t transcended the gender binary, we’ve merely transformed our expression of the binary.

    Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step…

  2. I reached over for it, then stopped, my fingers less than an inch from the cover.

    “But people will think I am a fag if I pick up this book.”

    Actually it’s worse. Just you being in that section already raises the question. I guess you have to be pretty secure in your masculinity to be looking at it in the store…

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