Making Myself Irrelevant

a color photo of acorn seed in green grass

May we exist like a lotus,
at home in muddy water.
Thus we bow to life as it is.
~ Charlotte Joko Beck

I recently blank slated this site as a desire to more closely align this site with who I am today. Part of that realignment includes closing my twitter and facebook accounts at the end of September.

Yesterday I realized that I had included neither my cartoon site nor my gender revolution site in this process.

This raises the all too obvious question of why.

Incorporating the material/attitude from gender revolution seemed easier to me than the material from the cartoon site. As I pondered the answer to this new why question, I realized that I have not blank slated my cartoon site out of a fear that I will not be able to draw another cartoon again, ever.

Blanking this site is easy. I trust my own writing process. I trust the place from which the words flow. The opposite is true for my cartooning.

I do not trust my creative process around cartoons. In fact, I fear the whole process now. Many of these cartoons were born out of a tremendous frustration I felt towards feminists and their sometimes inability to accept gender variance as a natural, human and welcome practice. My frustration all too often became a kind of humor that gets a laugh at others’ expense. (Justified anger does that for me. Look at what a moron s/he is! I am glad I’m not that person!)

Today I desire to choose different words. Laughter is good. At another’s expense for me sets up a dynamic where I become a person I really don’t like.

Can I can create cartoons without this anger? Maybe not. Then again, maybe I can. If I can abide in these muddy waters and create cartoons any way possible, that is enough, I think.

As I re/imagine my cartoons, I envision using them for extended written pieces on experience telling. Without this re/imagination, I fear I will make myself irrelevant, some z-list equivalent of those oldie shows that make the circuit every summer.

What I can say is that I am happy to know that I am pushing forward for myself; that despite my fear of making myself irrelevant as a cartoonist, I’d rather risk not being able to create anything than rely on cartoons that are two, three or more years old.

My essay collection, Moxie, Vol. 1, will be released later this year.

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