On Excavating My Own Heart

a color photo of peeling paint that reveals beautiful rust patterns

Of late I’ve returned to the cushion, where each day (though not every day) I sit for ten minutes and count my breaths. I count seven breaths (one inhalation and one exhalation counts as one). How difficult this journey is!

I have yet to make it to seven without encountering detours in my mind. Barely have I counted “one” and my mind is off to somewhere, anywhere but here.

Here seems to a problematic place for me, given how much I am unable to be here. But with the sitting and a little additional help from a mindfulness bell app on my iphone I’m learning to pause throughout the day and breath.

The focus on the breath leads me back to here. Here is place where I find my own heart. Here is now. You and me. No past or present. Here I excavate my own heart and begin to find out what is underneath.

Despite all my fears, what I find underneath is joy and calm. This is has been the biggest surprise of all.