Hunger frightens me. I don’t know, really, what I feel like hungry. I don’t know, really, whether I eat out of boredom or hunger. I don’t know, really, the contours of my own hunger.
I cycle through periods of not eating then stuffing myself, gorging, actually. I cycle through these acts in an unthinking way, driven by fear.
The fear of hunger exists without factual basis in my life. I have always had enough to eat. I have always been able to eat more, if I want. Wanting and needing food confuse me.
I realized today that I mistake not feeling full in my stomach with hunger.
I want to explore this fear, find out what I can learn about myself, how I can deepen into this experience.