Radical Acceptance: My Fear of Hunger

Hunger frightens me. I don’t know, really, what I feel like hungry. I don’t know, really, whether I eat out of boredom or hunger. I don’t know, really, the contours of my own hunger.

I cycle through periods of not eating then stuffing myself, gorging, actually. I cycle through these acts in an unthinking  way, driven by fear.

The fear of hunger exists without factual basis in my life. I have always had enough to eat. I have always been able to eat more, if I want. Wanting and needing food confuse me.
I realized today that I mistake not feeling full in my stomach with hunger.

I want to explore this fear, find out what I can learn about myself, how I can deepen into this experience.

cover for Moxie, Vol. 1 by Jay SennettMy essay collection, Moxie, Vol. 1, will be released January 15, 2018. Preorder your copy today at Amazon, Nook, Kobo and Apple Books.

2 Comments

  1. Hunger is such an odd thing. I have been learning lately to sit with it, to be fully present in the experience of hunger and fully present when I am eating and fully present when I am satiated. It is difficult for me to be present when I am hungry. Hunger represents so much more that just needing food to keep my body running. It is all mixed up with body image, enculturation, and some other crap that is too deep for me to see yet. Thanks for posting this.

  2. Christina,
    Thanks for commenting.
    “Hunger represents so much more that just needing food to keep my body running. It is all mixed up with body image, enculturation, and some other crap that is too deep for me to see yet.”

    This is true for me as well. I am finding out that understanding hunger for me is so fleeting as it is, as you point, so much more about other parts of my self-understanding. One of the facts I’m meditating on is that in learning to feel comfortable with hunger I am acknowledging that eating is still a privilege. So many people in the world starve and many more are food insecure, in the sense that they may not have enough money in the bank to feed themselves and their families at the end of the month. Through the effort to come to open to a deeper embrace of my hunger, I see yet another layer of my privilege.

    Take care.

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